Cloudbusting

I still dream of smoke. I wake up crying. You're making rain, And you're just in reach, When you and sleep escape me. You're like my yo-yo That glowed in the dark. What made it special Made it dangerous, So I bury it And forget. But every time it rains, You're here in my head, Like the sun coming out-- Ooh, I just know that something good is going to happen. And I don't know when, But just saying it could even make it happen. On top of the world, Looking over the edge, You could see them coming. I looked too small In that big, dark car, To be a threat to the men in power. I hid my yo-yo In the garden. I can't hide you From the government. Oh, God, Daddy-- I won't forget, 'Cause every time it rains, You're here in my head, Like the sun coming out-- Ooh, I just know that something good is going to happen. And I don't know when, But just saying it could even make it happen. The sun's coming out. Your son's coming out.

some rosy complaints and comments

It's not me who has to be sorry!

It's not you who must console the rest!

You have always been more capable than your mom said. And your smile has always looked prettiest when you are smiling at yourself in the mirror.

And you deserve a bigger wedding ring than anybody's ever gonna give you. 

You want life to bring you flowers, and it's about time you go and buy yourself some.

You should have tried out for cheerleading.

and told more people to f off. 

You should have eaten more, and taken your vitamins.

You should start talking louder.

and you ought to give more kisses away.

High time you made somebody feel special, cause I know you are good enough to do that.

I think you should have taken more boys to One Man Band and you should have cried in front of em' all.

I think you should have worn lipstick as much as you wanted to in fifth grade.

You've always had cute ears, and you can wear your hair up more.

You ought to let your heart belong to everybody, even though it hurts so much!

and remember that time is a real thing. and even though you'll be around forever, you better move in life, & do more things you like. 

now you've got a car, and a house you haven't ever seen is gonna be yours someday.

Take everybody you love.

And don't you ever leave anybody behind.

Cry in more parking lots. And scream when you feel you need to.

You should be dancing more energetically & snapping your fingers louder.

If your heart doesn't feel open and bloody and broke, that means you aren't giving enough of yourself to others. 

and God forbid you feel this bored forever. 

You should quit being such a slave to agency.

and make some bigger decisions.

and don't try alcohol, cause you'll probably like it.

Prince charming already came and left.

So don't you dare wait for his loud truck to come back to you.

Love everybody.

Cultivate so many smiles that you feel like you're gonna burst.

and when your sparkle feels like it's faded, It's only cause you need some better music and a milkshake. 

Don't give up on anyone or anything.

And forgive some more.

I want to live. I don't want to crash my car into a river like i thought i did.

I'd rather drown in the laughter and tears and all the things life is gonna throw my way.

blackout is a thing on tumblr for black people's rights

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Post Title

I remember the first time I ever swore in front of my mom and her slamming my bedroom door afterward.

I remember when Claire walked up to me in the lunch line and I was nervous and shaky and she asked me how i'd been and I told her about my eating disorder and it was the first time anybody had talked to me at school for 2 weeks.

I remember the lion house with my mama and my cousin spitting on me and wanting to choke somebody for the first time ever.

I remember how he said that he was gonna be ok and I believed it.

I remember when I walked into my sixth grade classroom on January 21st and nobody knew it was my birthday and how I was scared of lunchtime because I always ate and played alone.

I remember how I was really confused on the fourth of July, 2015 with all those fireworks and how I couldn't hear you but you said]I was your best friend and the love of your life and I almost knocked the ring box out of your hand and under the stairs at Smith's ballpark.
and crying happy tears while i sat in tour lap in my car afterward.

I remember how afraid I was.
I remember how happy I was.
and how hopeful with a heart full of goodness I was

I remember when you loved me, too.

I remember all the adults who have stood by my life and laughed.

I remember needing someone to show me some kindness.

I remember when I asked how come nobody asked why I've had straight f's on my report card since I was 11.

I remember becoming my own best friend.
and learning how to sing.
I remember when a room full said I was a good little actress, and the roses and my strawberry flavored dinner and hug that night.

I remember how I have always loved everybody.
and how I wished I had touched more hands.

I'm remembering a lot lately.

They wouldn't change me for the world.

Ella Erson

Dear Ella Erson,

I've liked your hair since the first day of school. I think I can tell that you have a really sweet spirit.
I have not ever talked to you, but a few weeks ago while reading your blog I had a huge realization (Which will sound silly & maybe make me sound simple) I realized that people are more intrinsically involved with one another than they think. Sometimes I might be living a life quite similar to a girl i'm too shy to talk to, and I never tell her I like her shirt with flowers on it because I think we must be so different. But Ella, we are not.

I read and read and tried to understand you, and how you feel. The more I read I began to connect, and I liked the things you have written.
And then, I read the one that I am assuming is about your mama. The one about how she is sick and things are so hard for you.

My mama has been bed ridden since I was about 3 years old because she has Interstitial Cystitis.

I know all about what it's like to worry about your mama, and have to grow up real quick and start doing things that a wife would normally do around the house.

I know the pressure and the sorrow.

And these are just assumptions I have made because of reading your blog.

I just think you are special. You are beautiful and I'm here to congratulate you for going on and running the race that is life.

You're a good lady.

and I like your hair.

and I have something to give you in class.

-Arionna Cherry Day

What could be more embarrassing than this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmJZJg6jEuQ

names that never matter

The most beautiful boy you've ever seen might call you baby kitty

Your dad calls you squeedlebug
the neighbor boy calls you Onna
and that man who met you at Chevron still thinks your name is Sarah

Names can be cover ups
safety nets, sweetness, softness, blankets, curtains

Cherry is the girl for a real broken boy

and mama says you are her indigo princess and she always knew what she'd name you

you are gonna get called a friend
and a love
 a pal, a cousin, a girlfriend, a wife, an aunt, a grandma, a doctor, a brat

but all you are is your real name
the one your mama called you long before your heart went splat

So Arionna, Cherry-Pie, Miss Meridian,

Everybody: Don't you let anybody make you feel inferior for who you are.
Dont you hide

I won't love you any less.