blackout is a thing on tumblr for black people's rights

Naturallyregvuiy8h7uhf8y73897kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk389frhyjm7u9w3y78Shellschocked by what had just happenedhgjiogjhoijmbeiojbkiopemkbiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwiwide eyednnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaand scaredggggggg

Post Title

I remember the first time I ever swore in front of my mom and her slamming my bedroom door afterward.

I remember when Claire walked up to me in the lunch line and I was nervous and shaky and she asked me how i'd been and I told her about my eating disorder and it was the first time anybody had talked to me at school for 2 weeks.

I remember the lion house with my mama and my cousin spitting on me and wanting to choke somebody for the first time ever.

I remember how he said that he was gonna be ok and I believed it.

I remember when I walked into my sixth grade classroom on January 21st and nobody knew it was my birthday and how I was scared of lunchtime because I always ate and played alone.

I remember how I was really confused on the fourth of July, 2015 with all those fireworks and how I couldn't hear you but you said]I was your best friend and the love of your life and I almost knocked the ring box out of your hand and under the stairs at Smith's ballpark.
and crying happy tears while i sat in tour lap in my car afterward.

I remember how afraid I was.
I remember how happy I was.
and how hopeful with a heart full of goodness I was

I remember when you loved me, too.

I remember all the adults who have stood by my life and laughed.

I remember needing someone to show me some kindness.

I remember when I asked how come nobody asked why I've had straight f's on my report card since I was 11.

I remember becoming my own best friend.
and learning how to sing.
I remember when a room full said I was a good little actress, and the roses and my strawberry flavored dinner and hug that night.

I remember how I have always loved everybody.
and how I wished I had touched more hands.

I'm remembering a lot lately.

They wouldn't change me for the world.

Ella Erson

Dear Ella Erson,

I've liked your hair since the first day of school. I think I can tell that you have a really sweet spirit.
I have not ever talked to you, but a few weeks ago while reading your blog I had a huge realization (Which will sound silly & maybe make me sound simple) I realized that people are more intrinsically involved with one another than they think. Sometimes I might be living a life quite similar to a girl i'm too shy to talk to, and I never tell her I like her shirt with flowers on it because I think we must be so different. But Ella, we are not.

I read and read and tried to understand you, and how you feel. The more I read I began to connect, and I liked the things you have written.
And then, I read the one that I am assuming is about your mama. The one about how she is sick and things are so hard for you.

My mama has been bed ridden since I was about 3 years old because she has Interstitial Cystitis.

I know all about what it's like to worry about your mama, and have to grow up real quick and start doing things that a wife would normally do around the house.

I know the pressure and the sorrow.

And these are just assumptions I have made because of reading your blog.

I just think you are special. You are beautiful and I'm here to congratulate you for going on and running the race that is life.

You're a good lady.

and I like your hair.

and I have something to give you in class.

-Arionna Cherry Day

What could be more embarrassing than this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmJZJg6jEuQ

names that never matter

The most beautiful boy you've ever seen might call you baby kitty

Your dad calls you squeedlebug
the neighbor boy calls you Onna
and that man who met you at Chevron still thinks your name is Sarah

Names can be cover ups
safety nets, sweetness, softness, blankets, curtains

Cherry is the girl for a real broken boy

and mama says you are her indigo princess and she always knew what she'd name you

you are gonna get called a friend
and a love
 a pal, a cousin, a girlfriend, a wife, an aunt, a grandma, a doctor, a brat

but all you are is your real name
the one your mama called you long before your heart went splat

So Arionna, Cherry-Pie, Miss Meridian,

Everybody: Don't you let anybody make you feel inferior for who you are.
Dont you hide

I won't love you any less.

Hearts

I'm the queen of kindness
of beauty
 of feathers

I'm the love of softness
of promises
forevers

The Cadillac that brings me to school and the sadness that takes me home
I dream of dish-water haired princes, waiting for me by my throne

A heart so intricate
with spider webbed stick

I wish to warm and imply my nursey ways
As dull toothed little cherubs entice me with the day

a heart of water
a heart of milk
a heart of smiles
of nymph-toed guilt

Blue Softness

My desert dream
Blue fifties king
Cold and hardened cash
Latchkey kids
and skeptiscism
All the things that do entwine
Softness and sweetness
And messes to clean
Feathers in gifts
 and bleach in my tub
Kisses my head. I love you, bub.

Singing to sleep

I know how to create peace. 

I can cause love. I can create kindness.

Make up my bed and go to sleep.

I know how to never let go.

I know how to remember.

I know how to smile.

I know how to cry.

I know how to make friendships.

I know some poems.

I know a whole lot.

I know how to play harmonica.

And I can run the dishwasher

I can watch tv and I can play guitar

I can drive my car.

I can do crafts.

I can give hugs.

I know how to empathize. 

I know a whole lot.

Tomato Soup

If you wanna ask people if they're human
If you gotta talk slow to rooms of children
If you are the endlessly rocking cradle of question
If your nose freezes in the north sent wind
If your heart drowns to be kept on land with your love
If anger entwines your little hands
And you're cold

You're a human.

Gnossienne

Definition: It’s a moment of awareness signified by the acknowledgment that no matter how close you feel, you get, or that you are to another person, said other will always have their own separate, private life of which you will not ever be entirely privy. It’s the knowledge that you will never truly know another person, ultimately because you are not them.

There was a time
I told that man that July the 4th was my favorite day
So he asked me for my life that day,
And in return he gave me his.

''Oh, say can you see my stars
The night time is almost ours
To wander through alleys and look at the bars
Night time is almost ours

The headlights from passing cars
They illuminate my face then leave me the dark
The voice of my Mama says, "Come as you are"
And I will.
The night time is almost ours

The sway of the hips and arms
Will cradle you from afar
They swing till you're tired and send you to Mars
Night time is almost ours''

Almost nothing could compare to the intense and intimate fragility of my young heart. Entwined with the comprehension and composition of death and departure, these two things I cannot seem to tell apart. Forests and softness include me in their absurdity and drag my sweetness to a low and earthy state. God, do grab me. Nigh! Take away not my wistful and tininess! I am the face of cheerful motherlessness and I wince my nights away to the sound of cancerous phone calls. Let my heart.

Bricks

Today I went to a sweat lodge. In there it's like a giant tee-pee with blankets on it and then they build a fire and pour water on it, It gets super hot.

I felt like I was being cooked in a pizza oven. Pizza ovens are made of bricks.

I can't even eat pizza.

I still do,  though.

It sucks to have a food allergy. It makes me miss a lot of school... A lot of assignments. It causes a lot of stress for me.  My body is a little mess but I thank it every day for keeping me going so that I can feel laughter and love.

I'm sorry Mr. Nelson that i'm not a very good student. I try real hard but somehow giving my all usually just gets me a D- grade. I am super grateful to be in Creative Writing. Especially because i'm a junior. My heart is in this. Whether my journal be wrecked enough or my blog posts long enough, just know I really did try.

bricks?

Love? don't read this one

It's hard to be given a prompt. You know why? Cause I can't just magically make my brain feel different than it does right now. I am having a hard time talking about tenderness because my parents are yelling at each other downstairs and I can't figure out why love fades. I can't understand how relationships are so difficult and how the devil gets into our hearts and we get mean. I can't figure it out. I can't figure out my math assignments at school and I cannot keep anybody happy cause I don't enough damned time to. I can't figure out why I am the most tender person who has the most scratchy entrances. I don't want to write about this tonight. I'll come back later.

hey could you hold this for me a second *gives you my hand

Train!

This one time I was on the trax train and I saw this boy in a fedora and I told my friend that I had fallen in love with him, because I was.

Doggies

I am going to show you many dogs and then express my opinion about the dogs.
This dog is for sure a baby fairy
These pups look ready for a very Kool yule
I want to hug the dog in pink

SHE IS A VALENTINE BABY!!!!! OH OH HOHOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tHIS FINE MAMA LOOKS LIKE A FOXY FOXY





This is the Chi baby of you dreams <3

Kiddies

When you're small, you don't care you are small. You just are. When you play in the dirt when you are small, you don't care. You just play in the dirt. When you picked up snakes and ate some fruit snacks directly afterward, you didn't give it a second thought. You just did. When you played by the creek, you didn't worry you'd get your clothes wet. When you dumped out all your toy bins, you didn't care. You just played.

Hats

He joined the ROTC just a month ago, and he tells me he wouldn't ever go to war. I sagely nod along to this statement. I have trust.

I watch his grandmother delight at him in his uniform, and I sit quietly on a red velvet couch behind him and I feel a dark blue ocean drowning my heart.

It is loss I fear.

He goes along, and I watch. The boy who is a freethinker; I repeat to myself  ''Please, God, don't let him get brainwashed, I repeat to myself  ''Please, God, don't let him get brainwashed!"

He comes to me in the late night when I am struggling to stay warm in my bed and he asks me to help him take off his boots and I do. His boots are getting dirtier, hi face is gonna get meaner. I will understand my love less and less, should he ever leave! He takes off his army cap and hangs it on the knoolpost in my room. We talk.

When he leaves he forgets his hat. And he calls me to bring it back to him.

soft

I have to remind myself not to be hardened just because other people aren’t soft.
I have to remind myself to smile in the hallways
I remind myself to say 'Good Morning!" to my mother and father, because I know they'd rather just let me pour my pancake batter into the pan without saying anything at all
I tell my one true love to stop picking flowers for me, because love is about appreciation - not posesion
I say thank you to my teachers for handing me worksheets that I will probably cry over in my bed late at night when all I really want to do is pull off my eyelashes and go to sleep
I will write my lovers notes before I take my bath at night because I know how hard life can be at time. I want them to have a paper that says love on it to grasp in hard times.
I wanna be open to the unthanking
I want to be doe like to the large and scratchy voices who tell me it'd be a whole lot easier to be mean
I touch people with the graced touch of an angel because I know that everyone needs a lot more love than they get.
I stand back and hold doors for bikers, whose once wondering blue eyes are now clouded over with anger and age, and I watch them smile because someone young who wears pink has given them a smile
I let at least three people cut in front of me at the light to get to school, because I know that those people who intentionally cut everyone in line simply just were never taught by anyone that every person is just as important as the other. 
I want to learn to walk softly and sweetly and I want to be the most forgiving person in the world
Because I want to do hard things
I want to be soft in ugly, dry, sad places.

Cheap tissues are the most absorbent

belonging

My dad told me today that we are gonna move out of our house

And I asked him where we were gonna go instead.
He said we were gonna go live in St. George where it was warm
I don't wanna be  where its warm
I wanna stay here. In Highland.
Here I have love. I have someone to hold close.
If I go I'm gonna slowly lose my someone
I'm gonna lose my belonging
I'm gonna get lonely again
Sad again
I don't wanna go to St. George where it's warm
cause if we go there my heart couldn't be colder

The Cake Dream

Hi, i’m Kitty Yeager and you’ll never believe what I dreamed of last night! I dreamed that there were slices of cake that were 10 feet tall that were cut in triangle pieces. There was pink, purple, red and white slices! Everyone in town stopped with their forks and knives to have a slice of this delicious cake. I awoke this morning to this photo on my other Tumblr dashboard and was certainly surprised about the coincidence!