I kinda thought it was time for me to talk about December

and how I returned all your Christmas presents
and how I can't get my Polaroid camera to work now that you're not around
I never thought cameras were cool anyways

I went to my nana's and drank red Gatorade and I said to goodbye to my best friend

My dog and my Papa died on my 17th birthday and you didn't call

I had to wait for some manic spring

for my neighbors to mow their lawns

and you to get lonely

to even say my name

when those girls flew here from Layfayette, they were coming to take you awyay.

I think it's time I say that i'm writing this without hardly any emotion or sadness at all

I'm just in my childhood bedroom where you haven't been since Halloween

I don't miss you anymore.

for the record I don't care what any of you do uptown

so while you start to feel your world alone

just remember

I didn't stop by last week to see you.

My writing makes no sense because neither do you.

I want you to know I am not sorry.

and that you don't have to be either.

That my brain has changed so much that I don't remember loving you like I did.

I should have been writing about how I felt after your swing parties instead of how i felt at them.

I have seen love before.
and I don't imagine her enough.

I've seen love standing next to the street, with a dog.

I've seen love standing in line at Baskin Robins, when I opened the door.

I have layed in my own bed next to someone my whole family trusted. I didn't really ever see Love there.

I thought i'd mention that I have a new bed now.

I think i'll meet love on July the fourth on a Salt City street. I'll be wearing marabou shoes and there will be a sparkler in my hand.

I know I saw love in the eyes of a small dog at the animal shelter once. I wish i'd adopted that dog, looking back.

I saw love there again, and I took her home to live with me and I call her Delores.

I've seen love at the dollar store, a man with cutoff camo sleeves I remember still.

It's times of empathy where I have seen Love.

Love is a patient lady.

I've had a heart that aches ever since I remember my parents taking me to Westwood elementary. and my dad talking to woman about how bad drivers from California are.

I remember feeling out of time since I was crying on the couch over something a blonde girl said. She wore a Grateful Dead sweater. I never knew how to reach her.

I have seen Love roll her eyes. I've watched her walk out of a candle lit room.

I saw love in a parking lot once. and I can tell you about a few boys who have liked me for my tenderness and my teary eyes.

I decide that Love isn't somewhere else. I am she. and I carry her wherever I go.

So should I set a date to see her, there she will appear.

I wanted to tell you that nobody is out of time.

and that I know now how to get someone to carry me up the stairs.

I haven't seen a lot of Love yet. But I will.

and that's where I will grow.

In rose gardens
or docks in south states
or other peoples guest room closets
There she and I will smile at one another.

He said he loved me. I told him I loved me more.

Cloudbusting

I still dream of smoke. I wake up crying. You're making rain, And you're just in reach, When you and sleep escape me. You're like my yo-yo That glowed in the dark. What made it special Made it dangerous, So I bury it And forget. But every time it rains, You're here in my head, Like the sun coming out-- Ooh, I just know that something good is going to happen. And I don't know when, But just saying it could even make it happen. On top of the world, Looking over the edge, You could see them coming. I looked too small In that big, dark car, To be a threat to the men in power. I hid my yo-yo In the garden. I can't hide you From the government. Oh, God, Daddy-- I won't forget, 'Cause every time it rains, You're here in my head, Like the sun coming out-- Ooh, I just know that something good is going to happen. And I don't know when, But just saying it could even make it happen. The sun's coming out. Your son's coming out.

some rosy complaints and comments

It's not me who has to be sorry!

It's not you who must console the rest!

You have always been more capable than your mom said. And your smile has always looked prettiest when you are smiling at yourself in the mirror.

And you deserve a bigger wedding ring than anybody's ever gonna give you. 

You want life to bring you flowers, and it's about time you go and buy yourself some.

You should have tried out for cheerleading.

and told more people to f off. 

You should have eaten more, and taken your vitamins.

You should start talking louder.

and you ought to give more kisses away.

High time you made somebody feel special, cause I know you are good enough to do that.

I think you should have taken more boys to One Man Band and you should have cried in front of em' all.

I think you should have worn lipstick as much as you wanted to in fifth grade.

You've always had cute ears, and you can wear your hair up more.

You ought to let your heart belong to everybody, even though it hurts so much!

and remember that time is a real thing. and even though you'll be around forever, you better move in life, & do more things you like. 

now you've got a car, and a house you haven't ever seen is gonna be yours someday.

Take everybody you love.

And don't you ever leave anybody behind.

Cry in more parking lots. And scream when you feel you need to.

You should be dancing more energetically & snapping your fingers louder.

If your heart doesn't feel open and bloody and broke, that means you aren't giving enough of yourself to others. 

and God forbid you feel this bored forever. 

You should quit being such a slave to agency.

and make some bigger decisions.

and don't try alcohol, cause you'll probably like it.

Prince charming already came and left.

So don't you dare wait for his loud truck to come back to you.

Love everybody.

Cultivate so many smiles that you feel like you're gonna burst.

and when your sparkle feels like it's faded, It's only cause you need some better music and a milkshake. 

Don't give up on anyone or anything.

And forgive some more.

I want to live. I don't want to crash my car into a river like i thought i did.

I'd rather drown in the laughter and tears and all the things life is gonna throw my way.

blackout is a thing on tumblr for black people's rights

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